Today I saw the trailer for Bridget Jones’s Baby movie. It looks weird. It has Patrick Dempsey and Colin Firth in it. I never saw the other Bridget Jones movies, but from the trailer it was apparent that she used to be together with Colin Firth and then they broke up, and a few years later she started seeing Patrick Dempsey. And then she met Colin Firth again and they had sex. While she was dating Patrick Dempsey. And then just like that, we get to know that she is pregnant, and she doesn’t know who the father is. And here is the weird part: both Colin Firth and Patrick Dempsey are like “It’s my baby!” so they all start taking care of Bridget Jones and competing for her.
I don’t get that. If that was me, I would be like “You’re a whore, f*ck off with your whore baby” Like, in the real world, wouldn’t both men have walked away? Especially the new guy. Like oh how nice, she slept with her ex and now she is pregnant but I hope the baby is mine coz I still totally want to be together with her. How? Does he want a kid that bad?
Like I can sort of understand the Colin Firth character, coz they used to be in love and maybe he never really got over her, and is happy to reconnect. But the new guy? What is he thinking, sticking his head into that wasp nest? He obviously can’t trust her, he is dating her and BAM! just like that she bangs her ex, and he’s like oh well ok, that didn’t totally just happen. And if he is acting like that, then I don’t understand how Bridget Jones totally doesn’t just go dude you’re so pathetic..
When I date guys, I like to administer the “crazy test”. This is actually a really good tactic, to thin out the herd and weed out the weaklings. What you do is insult the guy right out of the gate. BOOM! Now you got his attention. Then you say a bunch of weird shit (not too outrageous, you can’t be racist or stupid, just be weird). Then you wait and see if they try to contact you. If they do, they are inferior human beings with no self-respect and you just move on safely knowing that the beta is strong within them. If they don’t, you wait a while until they have had time to forget all about the crazy shit, and you contact them. Obviously it assumes that the guy was somewhat interested when he saw you first. Anyway, I digress.
Point is, I am not buying this movie’s premise, so I am not going to go and see it. But if I have to guess the ending, it will probably be that the baby is neither of theirs and Bridget is a super slut coz she also slept with that first guy, and it is his sociopathic baby!! I haven’t seen the movies but I know there was some dickhole she was dating and she was choosing between Colin Firth and him, and that he was just a total cocksock, Hugh Grant I believe his name was.. Yeah so it is going to turn out to be his baby, and he is gonna go “get the hell outta here with your whore baby!!” and she’s gonna see who makes more money out of Colin Firth and Patrick Dempsey and just shack up with whoever makes more money. And he is going to turn out to be a serial rapist and a wife beater, and also a closet homosexual and is going to leave her for the cocksock guy. And then she’s going to go back to her other option but by that time he is banging someone else so she’s going to end up as a single mother. The End.